Tenderized Meat

We don’t normally do news articles here at Tenderized Meat, but this one stood out.

A little background: I hate Valentine’s Day. I think it’s corporate garbage. No, I’m not going to spend money stuff because De Beers, Hallmark, Godiva and 1-800-Flowers tells me to. No, I’m not going to profess my love through a ridiculous greeting card. I’m not going to follow the flock into higher-than-normal priced restaurants so I can wait forever to be served a smaller, sappier than average portion. And don’t even get me started on what Valentine’s day is like for single people! I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was fun as a kid. But that was mostly because it involved candy.

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As I sit here, on this wonderful Valentine’s Day holiday; watching dozens of text messages bombard my phone like that satellite that is going to bombard this very earth , or like the bullets that whizzed by a college in Illinois (they made ‘illa’ noise. is it to soon for that joke?) Today, a few questions arose in my head.

1. Who actually reads these?
They are never useful (unlike my Barack Obama election text updates). It’s always a retarded joke or picture or some attempt of someone to be clever that got passed through a bunch of immature idiots like a fucked up version of ‘The Telephone Game’.

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According to the self-proclaimed “Professor of Poon,” Tom Leykis, “It’s no accident that God made the vagina in the shape of a purse.” The Los Angeles Times recently shed some light on his views. Click here to read some of Tom’s Valentine’s Day advice.