Setting the Valentine’s Bar
This Valentine was so pretty, I cant wait until next year!
Valentines day and the days leading up to it can be some of the most stressful for first time couples. Often the guys want to really blow their girlfriends away, even if just to have the favor returned. One standard problem this creates is setting the bar.
What can start out as a simple dinner one year can land a boyfriend with a 1000 rose petals, a pearl necklace and season tickets to the local ballet. This is not the fault of only one of the parties involved. If we as men didn’t find complete joy in making our women happy via gifts, we wouldn’t surprise them with cute little gestures from time to time.
The issue begins when gifts, praises, dinners, more gifts, puppies, clothes and more dinners are expected. Seriously, if a guy is simply buying you a gift because you will get mad if he doesn’t, what good is that? Notice how every time you initiate romance he perks up in a different way? Same thing, you don’t want to set a standard regimen or schedule for these sorts of things.
We want to go all out.
My roommate went all out this year, first year Valentine’s blitz. Tealights, linen drapery , cooking, the whole 9 yards. Did his girlfriend like it? She loved it. Will she expect him to top it next year? Probably not, she has a good head on her shoulders. Will he top it? I’m sure of it. They have a good thing going, because she does not expect it, so when it happens, its amazing.
As for myself, I have in the past gone all out, usually with a full day of multiple romantic intimate locations to just chill. However nowadays I am hesitant to plan a big thing on a special day. I don’t want it to be diluted by the event. Birthdays, Valentines, anniversaries (the worst of repetitive mandatory celebration) are all things that can fall into this trap. Is there a solution? Yes. I do not believe there is an easy clear cut solution to this problem. It takes both people to create an atmosphere of celebration based on love and not hallmark.
Guys
I don’t think we should give up pampering our loved ones from time to time. However I give a word of warning to make sure it is about them and not the day. Yes you still need to acknowledge that you are celebrating valentines, or a birthday, but make it about your companion, not about putting on a good show for yourself. Don’t demand credit, continually pointing out how great you are because of what you did. That will come naturally and is much better coming from her not yourself.
Girls
If your boyfriend/lover/husband does something special for you, its special, so let them know you care. Don’t be coy or reserved about your gleefulness, give us some feedback! Guys thrive off of feedback. Also we can be pretty dense, so be straight forward. Also if you are disappointed? Hide it. Yup, hide it for the night. Think about it a bit, and address it later if its an issue (conflict resolution 101).
For those in relationships, I hope you had a good valentine’s this year, but looking forward, take each “special day” at a time. You will be much happier in the end.
Tags: Conflict Resolution, dating, Valentines